Comments

  1. Mary says

    Hello,

    I love your show. But in this show, Shannon made a comment of the effect: “But if one partner wants it [oral] and the other doesn’t, where is that partner supposed to go to get it??” By stating this, Shannon suggests that this attitude might apply to every sex act. For example, will you be encouraging your (many Christian) listeners to try anal sex when anal sex becomes more conventional like oral sex became conventional? Will you be doing a show on threesomes, too, because that’s a very common fantasy? After all, if one partners wants it, but the other one doesn’t, where does the wanting partner go???, as Shannon asks. Does the attitude of greater sympathy toward the wanting spouse for oral extend to all other sex acts? After all, almost any sexual act can be an “offering” or “giving.” I think comments like, “well where is the wanting partner supposed to go???” have the effect of guilting and pressuring the low-desire spouse. Shannon sounded like the guilt-tripping high desire partner. And how about addressing the fact that many men (at least on Internet forums) seem to be willing to leave their wives and families over something like a lack of oral sex or anal or threesomes or [insert other act.] Is that kind of person even worth being adventurous for? My hunch is that your show has to adapt to the common expectations of the day (and today it includes oral). Tomorrow it might include anal, threesomes, BDSM, or legalized bigamy. What will you suggest then?

    I also thought it was depressing that Shannon had to explicitly instruct men not to basically rape their partners’ faces during oral. But necessary…

    I miss the voice of Gina Parris, who offered a great counterpart to Corey’s perspective as the high desire person. Please try to get more “low-desire” partners (men! or women) on the show. I’d love to hear from low-desire husbands.

    Thanks!

    • Alex says

      Mary,
      I read your comments and wanted to share how I interpreted what Shannon was saying… What I took from that (as someone in the position of not receiving) is that first, I am a faithful husband for 10 years and would never sacrifice my marriage or family over a sex act but, it is very true that in a faithful marriage, there is no where else to go for that other than my spouse. It’s not a guilt trip, it’s reality. And, as far as the other acts you mentioned as being common, the same truth applies – with one very big exception. Threesomes may be a common fantasy but, inviting a person into the marriage is crossing the line. I do not believe the hosts would ever endorse such a thing. There is always a choice of where you get your information, Gina was great in her own way and I think Shannon is doing a great job too. They are different people and will naturally have different perspectives, neither of which have ever been depressing.
      Maybe you heard something in Shannon’s statement that tapped a nerve and you will have to look within your own situation for possible answers about why you took such issue with that particular statement.

      Wishing you all the best.

    • Gary says

      I understand your comments about slippery slope and how Shannon’s comments could be interpreted to mean you should do things your spouse wants. But it seems reasonable to me that when it comes to sex, you need to accommodate your partners as much as you can. As Shannon pointed out previously, it’s not the same as cooking for your spouse — they can go out to McDonald’s to get a meal instead. If you don’t try to “stretch” your tastes in sex to accommodate your partner, all you get is the lowest common denominator. You’ll do only the things that both of you feel comfortable with from the start, without making an effort to try new things and see if you can develop a liking for them. If your spouse has a strong interest in a particular sexual activity, you have to realize that if you won’t do it with them, they are left with the prospect that they may never get to try it in their whole life. And that puts the obligation in a special category. It doesn’t mean you must do it, but you should certainly consider it thoroughly and discuss it.

      As for taking it easy in during oral sex, I didn’t find Shannon’s advice depressing. I think it’s good advice, because men can get a bit carried away in that situation as they approach climax.

      I understand what you’re saying about Gina. She did represent the low-desire spouse pretty well, especially when she corrected Corey a few times when it seemed he was insisting that there was always something that could be done to make a woman want sex. Work on yourself, develop a passion, take the pressure off, show you care about her as a person, take her on a romantic vacation, get a babysitter, etc. Well, you can do all that and some women will love it, yet not want sex at all. Corey didn’t seem to believe that. And Shannon didn’t seem to believe that either when she insisted that there’s always a reason for a woman not wanting sex. To which I would ask, what would Shannon say about a single woman living by herself and not feeling she needed sex? Is there a reason, or some pathology with her that she’s happy with no sex?

      But as someone with a low-libido wife, I do find Shannon’s enthusiasm refreshing and gives me hope that women can be interested in sex.

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